The Labyrinth vs. Pan’s Labyrinth and some randomness about Motley Crue

David Bowie could kick the goat man’s ass, This is my assertion. Bowie has gigantic, shiny hair, a really smooth voice and an army of muppets ready to do his bidding. All Pan had was fidgety hands and at one point a little knife. He was so wimpy that he had to have a little girl do most of his work whereas Bowie spent most of his time tormenting some girl. Also, David Bowie got to be the Goblin King, I’ll repeat that

GOBLIN KING

See, Bowie is a badass, a man who can have a haircut that strange, clothing that out of place and wear more makeup than a typical Thai prostitute and still command an army of puppet goblins has to be an icon of manliness. Bowie was also one of the few villains with the guts to sing, when you can hatch an evil plan within a love plot and sing about it rather than worry that your plan will fail because you’re the villain in a Jim Henson movie, you are a badass.

Pan is just lame, he didn’t imprison anything, he didn’t kill anybody, he didn’t have any cool goblins, he wasn’t even really important to the plot of the movie. All Pan did make stupid noises and stupid faces and stupid hand gestures and have a stupid nose and a box of stupid faeries. I think it would be fair to refer to Pan as the faerie king. Pan was the lamest character in anything ever. He didn’t even do any cool goat stuff. At the end of the movie he wanted to stab a baby but didn’t for some reason or the other.

Eh, judge for yourself

The Labyrinth
Pan’s Labyrinth

For those of you who don’t already know (homeless people, retards and people stuck in the 1800s) David Bowie is a musician from the 80’s who made (makes?) “glam” metal. Which consists of a guy with really big hair and lots of makeup singing about random things while playing a bejeweled guitar whilst wearing bejeweled clothing. For other examples of this sort of music think Europe (the guys who wrote The Final Countdown), Poison (the worst band ever) and Motley Crue.

This is Motley Crue, personally I don’t really like their earlier stuff much, but they have a great song called The Saints of Los Angeles which blows my mind a little every time I hear it. THeir lead singer has an oddly high pitched voice, that combined with their strange heavy metal riffs makes their band sound like transvestites hitting each other with electrical guitars. Good stuff!

David Bowie DVDs

David Bowie MP3s

Motley Crue MP3s

Europe MP3s

Poison MP3s